Two Weeks Home - Part One

Emma continues to do really well. I am so grateful that she is adjusting and bonding so well. So far she has been able to meet her grandparents and an aunt and uncle. She has also met her cousins who live here. She has done well with family.




Chips will win this girl over. I didn't manage to get a picture with Granddad.




When Emma saw Nate hug Mimi, then she decided that Mimi must be okay.















Lee introducing her to tomatoes, which she tried to peel. She did taste them. That's some progress.

Speech- we actually met with a speech therapist the week after we got home. This was in conjunction with meeting with the cleft doctor. We were very impressed with the speech therapist. I was especially happy to see that she was educated and experienced with working with children who are adopted internationally. With a child with cleft issues, speech issues are very common. Mark and I both went into this prepared for the need for speech therapy. Right now we are in a wait and see phase. Emma already has between 10-25 words, although some of those are signs. She is picking up new words and signs every day. Until yesterday, I hadn't heard her make the "b" or "d" sounds, even when babbling. Yesterday she was trying to say Cade, but it sounded more like "Ade". I think I heard a "d" in there! We are supposed to keep in touch with the speech therapist and will see what we do from there. My favorite sign that she does is "love you". The other day she did this sign spontaneously to me. Melt my heart. We are anticipating some sort of speech therapy. Emma understands a lot of what we are saying. I love that I can ask her for kisses, and she will pucker up and give me a kiss. She is very big into hugging right now and loves to give her brothers and her daddy a hug while I am holding her and says, "Awwww." She is pure sweetness. Mark and I have always played a game with the boys where we count to three and then each give tons of kisses to a cheek. Emma has been introduced to this game and loves it. Sometimes Chase will join in and she gets kisses from three directions. This makes her laugh.





Look




Look - she loves looking at birds and airplanes.

Cleft doctor - we saw the cleft doctor the Tuesday after we arrived home. The office was nervous that her palate had been repaired in China because often the repairs done there are not done well. Fortunately, Emma's repair is a very good repair, and the doctor was very pleased. We won't go back to see him for an entire year. He also stated that she doesn't sound nasal which is a common problem with cleft kids. She is also able to drink from a straw. Another sign of a successful repair. All good news.








Mark- she continues to do better and better with Mark. She will now get upset if he leaves but will be okay if she can go outside and see him get in his car. She is happy when he comes home. She definitely goes to him for playtime and loves it when he tickles her and plays with her. She is clearly learning that he will take care of her.




"Hiding" from kisses from Daddy. She can't say "daddy" yet but has learned the sign.




Brothers - she LOVES her brothers, and they love her too. They are all doing well with her, although Nate is having the hardest time. It is really hard to lose that baby-of-the-family spot when you have held it for almost 8 years. He loves Emma and is glad she is here, but he also misses time with me. Emma has already learned the art of tattling. She has no problem telling me all about how a brother has wronged her and makes certain that she points out he offender to me.



Right after the boys came home from camp. She was soooo happy to have them home. We were able to FaceTime them while they were driving home. She clearly recognized them and was happy to see them.




She loves "jumping" on the trampoline with her brothers.




Watching her first drive-in movie. Movies and television don't really hold her attention, so I thought a drive-in would work the best. I don't think a movie theater will be happening for a while. We were able to go with my sister-in-law and nephews. Overall it went well. Even though the cops showed up because of an incident in front of us.









Cade has been giving her piggy back rides. Here she is trying to give one to her doll.





Cade's turn.





She rarely wants to sit in her booster seat. She wants to sit by a brother or in my lap.








Watermelon buddies




Helping Chase make pancakes

- Jenna

Since We've Been Home Part 2

This post may be a bit jumbled but that is an accurate reflection of my current state of mind. Things have been going really great since we arrived home, but they have also been hard. I honestly think that this is harder than having a newborn. I am truly not complaining, but I do want to give an accurate portrayal. It is the same thing as someone who is training for a race (not me). The training may be exhausting at times, but the joy and satisfaction far outweigh the exhaustion. That is me right now. I am very tired, but also very happy and overjoyed. Watching Emma discover new things and grow and open up to our family brings me indescribable joy. Here are how things are going in a few different areas.




Sleep - overall, sleep is going well. The second night home, Emma woke up at 2 a.m. ready to play. I can't say I minded it. It was such a sweet time with her. We sat on the porch where she enjoyed a Cheerios snack. We took a walk around the neighborhood. We visited with Daddy who also happened to be awake. I did give her some Benadryl around 3, and she went back to sleep around 4:30. She hasn't done that again. We are working at getting her into a schedule, but it is hard since I have to be with her. Currently I am sleeping with her in her bed. She does still wake up during the night but is easily comforted and goes right back to sleep. I don't know how long I will need to sleep with her, but I know that she needs it right now. She flops and wiggles less than before, so that is a good thing. She does like to have some part of her body touching me when she is going to sleep. She also really likes for me to rub her back. She gives a special grunt when she wants me to do that. If I stop too soon, I get the same grunt again.





Eating - her need to constantly have food has greatly decreased. She still eats plenty. Unfortunately, her diet is not the best. I cannot get her to eat any fruit with the exception of watermelon. Sometimes I can manage to get some in her mouth, but she promptly removes the offensive item. She will eat yogurt with fruit in it. The only vegetables she will eat are corn, potatoes, and black beans. She loves any kind of noodles and rice. She really likes eggs and will also eat meat. She will not drink milk unless it is in her cereal. We have some work to do, but she will get there :-). We have been eating out a lot because meal preparation has been really tough. I did manage to cook a simple dinner tonight and felt as if I had accomplished something really great :-). Emma definitely appreciated it!












First cake pop


Discipline - this little angel can't possible need discipline, right? Discipline and boundaries are just as important with her as they are with any other child. They provide her with a sense of safety and security and also show her that we love her (same as with any child). We expect things out of her if we know that she is capable of them. Now that she can sign "please", we expect her to use it and will not give in when she chooses the angry pouty route instead. The way we discipline her is a bit different than the way we disciplined our other kids. We use a lot more over-the-top praise with her. For example, if I need to take something from her and know that she will become upset, then I take it and we immediately start clapping and cheering for Emma while telling her what a great job she did not getting upset. This is extremely effective with her (we don't have to do this every time). While meeting with the speech therapist (who was fantastic and will be talked about later), she witnessed Emma trying to open the door to leave. Mark told her "no" which she accepted and went back to playing. Later, the therapist told Emma "no" when Emma was walking into an area the therapist didn't want Emma to go. The therapist remarked how most internationally adopted children that she sees shortly after they come home will became so very upset when they are told "no". It was very validating and reassured us that we are on the right track.





Ouchies - we had thought that Emma's gross motor skills were right on track, but we are not so sure now that we are home and she is running around a lot. She falls all the time, and her knees are paying the price. They look much worse now than they do in this picture. We don't know if it is delays or if it is simply being 2. We are taking a watch and see approach at this point (and trying to put her in jeans when she goes outside to run around). Emma cannot stand Bandaids. Mark managed to keep one on her knee for about 5 minutes. She becomes very upset about having a Bandaid. She is also one tough cookie and may not even cry when she falls even if blood is streaming down her leg. That sounds like a good thing, right? In the adoption world, this can indicate that she wasn't really paid attention to when hurt. If a baby/child gets hurt and cries but no one comforts the child or someone harshly punishes the child, then the child learns not to cry. They learn that their voice does not matter and that people are not there for them. Another thing I loved about the speech therapist is that she knew this fact and picked up on it with Emma. When Emma fell in the therapist's office, she looked at me but didn't cry. When I picked her up and made a big deal out of it, then she made a tiny moan. The speech therapist brought that up later and knew what that meant. If you can't tell, I was so very impressed with the speech therapist. A lot of professionals are not knowledgeable about the unique issues involved with internationally adopted children. This therapist completely understood these issues. Anyway, we are trying to baby Emma when she gets hurt and working at getting age-appropriate responses to injuries. When you see us making a fuss over a little owie, don't think we are nuts :-). She does seem to be making progress in this area (some of the time).

There is lots more to write about, but I am T.I.R.E.D. Here are some photos.




I needed to get Emma a booster seat for our table. She also got a doll, a doll stroller, a grocery cart, and a tea set. She loves them all.





Pushing her doll stroller on the playground equipment.








Playing with an old rifle scope. No worries, Mark has all of his guns and knives safely locked up.





She is fascinated by all of Mark's deer heads that he has in the garage. Most are hanging, but Mark showed her this one. I have no comment at this time.




I dry my hair with my head upside down. She needed her hair dried too.




We had a low-key 4th. No fireworks this year.









Nate wanted to ride his bike, but Emma took over. Poor Nate :-(




Precious, beautiful girl. You are already so very loved.

- Jenna

Since We've Been Home - Part One

Things have been going great since we have been home, but they have also been exhausting. We arrived home at 12:30 early in the morning on Saturday and went to bed after 2. My plan was to wake up the three oldest boys at around 9 because they all had to pack for camp. We were needing to leave our house no later than 4 to catch their flight to Amarillo where my sweet sister would pick them up and take them to camp. i joked with them that i wasn't sure they could handle the loooong one-hour flight :-) We had pre-packed some things for camp, but a helpful soul had unpacked everything. This same sweet soul had also put away all the clothes that I had pulled out that were too small for Cade and too big for Nate. I didn't realize this at the time, but figured it out after it was reported that Cade was wearing some majorly high-water jeans at camp :-). I hope he got some of the right-sized jeans into his bag. The boys were sleeping so hard that I left all of them alone except for Chase who had some mowing to do. I woke the other boys up at 11:30. My day consisted of washing clothes and getting them ready for camp.




Emma helping with the packing and enjoying some of her Cheerios.

We left for the airport around 4. Mark was still not feeling well, so I took the 3 boys along with Emma. I would have preferred to not take Emma out, but there was really no choice. It shouldn't have taken so long, except their flight was delayed for an hour. During this time, Emma made some new friends. She is really attracted to other children and wants to interact with them. She found a little girl who was around her same age and started playing with her. No problem there. The problem came when the parents of the children started interacting and playing with Emma, and Emma interacted right back. Why is this a bad thing? You have to understand a little bit about attachment with older child adoption to understand why this is not a good thing. I promise to keep this brief. Feel free to ask me any questions about it, I am always happy to talk about adoption.

When you have a biological baby, the baby is born already having a beginning of a bond with you. The baby already knows your voice, scent, etc. When your baby is hungry, you meet that need. When your baby is fussy, you come running and meet that need. When your baby wants to play, you meet that need. Your baby has a dirty diaper, you take care of that. Bath? Got it covered. You hold your baby, make eye contact with your baby, and love your baby. This is the very foundation of a loving and healthy attachment between child and parent. Everything else builds from this. In the adoption world we call this the attachment cycle. We didn't have that with Emma. Picture a circle. At the top you have "a need", then an arrow connects that to "met need", then an arrow connects that to "contentment", which then has an arrow connecting back to "need". With older adopted children, there is a high chance that the cycle of attachment was not present in a consistent manner. On any given day, maybe they cried because they were lonely but there was no one available to meet that need and the cycle didn't happen. Then they cried because they were hungry but that need was ignored for a while until it was finally met. They needed to play, but that need was not met and instead they were flat on their back on a crib. They learn NOT to trust. We know that Emma experienced some of these type of things, even though her care was far superior to most. Even if she hadn't, she has not experienced these things with us and does not have that foundation of trust that is vital to a healthy attachment. The good news is that we can still build that foundation, and we do that by starting at the basics. If she is hungry or THINKS she needs food, we give it to her - immediately. We aren't caring about nutritional value at this stage in the game. The need for food is a very primal need, and she must trust that she will always have enough food from us. If she wants to be held, we hold her - immediately. If she wants our attention, she gets it - immediately. Our number one job and responsibility right now is to build trust and attachment with her. This can get tricky because we need her to understand that we are her people, not others outside of our family. We need her to build that relationship with us before she can build relationships with others. We must protect this relationship or things will be so much harder when she is older. She needs the security of knowing who her family is. I hope this all makes sense. It can be very difficult to explain. In my work, I have seen what attachment problems look like and how very difficult they are to deal with and to overcome. I do not want to experience that. In order for us to securely build this foundation of attachment, I do have a few favors to ask of our friends. During this initial bonding period, it is very important that no one outside of our family gives her food or drinks. Even if she drops her cup and you pick it up. In that case, give it to us to give to her. She needs to understand that we are the ones who will meet her eating needs. Please try to not play or interact with her too much. We are NOT saying that you cannot speak to her or interact with her, just be mindful of this and keep it to a minimum during this INITIAL bonding period. If she gets hurt or upset, please let us comfort her. Don't feel bad if you forget and accidentally hand her a Cheerio. It is the natural thing to do and what we are asking you to do is what feels unnatural. If it happens, don't feel like you have to apologize or worry that we will put you on a blacklist. Well, some of you probably should be on a blacklist. We are also not saying that this is the way things will always be. This is just until we feel that Emma has formed a strong foundation of attachment to us. We love all you guys so much and can never thank you enough for your prayers and support throughout this process. Thank you all for opening your hearts to her. We want you guys to know her and to have loving relationships with her. She is attaching well and transitioning well, and we want that to continue. I can't wait for you guys to get to know her. She is absolutely amazing! I am so afraid of hurting someone's feelings, especially when I know their intentions are loving. I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. Please ask me any questions or let me know if it just doesn't make sense. The next posts will talk about discipline, sleep, eating, and her doctors' appointments. Here are a few pictures.




Pretending to take a picture with my phone, not that I ever take her picture with my phone :-)




The "cheese" face




First time swinging




One of her favorite things to do is to push her stroller



Her first experience with Play-doh. She loved it. Later, I had to throw away the container of white after an unfortunate incident involving an unflushed potty.

More pics to come

- Jenna

Groundhog Day

Before I get to this eternally long day, I did forget a few stories that I want to remember. I can't believe I forgot this next story. It was one of the best things to happen on the trip. When we were shopping on Shaiman Island, I was in a different store than Mark. He came looking for me and asked the shopkeeper if she had seen me. Her response, "You mean the skinny lady?" I got called "the skinny lady". Let me know if you ever want me to tell you this story again and again. Skinny lady would be happy to repeat it.

Another thing that I want to remember is how Emma would pretend to eat the food in a book and would even pretend to eat her birthday cake that is in the picture on my phone screen.

Guangzhou is a very international city. There are people of all backgrounds and races. It really made things easier and more pleasant. We were still stared at some, but not to the extent we were stared at in Guiyang. There were a lot of Middle Easterners there, and Cade was fascinated by the women in burkas. He simply could not understand why they had to dress that way and why they did not have any freedoms. He thought that they should go somewhere to get help. I asked him where they should go, and he said they should go to a church. He could not understand that there were no churches to go to for help. We talked about power and about how these women were not given any power or voice. I love watching his mind work and seeing his compassionate heart. He is an amazing kid.

Back to the eternal day. We left our hotel in China at 6:30 in the morning on Friday and arrived home at 12:30 am on Saturday. Because of the time difference, that was 31 hours of traveling. I was pretty terrified of the flights home with Emma, especially since her first flight experience was less than ideal ;-). Everyone's prayers really worked! She did absolutely amazing! There was very little crying.




We discovered that putting a brother by her really helped! Look at her interested in a book. She is getting much better about books which makes this book-lover very happy.




The girl loves her some noodles.

Our first flight was from Guangzhou to Beijing, and it was close to 4 hours. Longer if you include the delay in Guangzhou. Every single flight in China was delayed. I had heard this happened, and we found it to be true. Emma did great on this flight and we arrived in Beijing safely. When we were in Beijing at the beginning of our trip, we thought the smog was really bad. It seems we were mistaken about that, because I have never seen anything like the smog we found upon our return to Beijing. It was like a very dense fog. You could taste the pollution in your mouth. It was truly unbelievable. We were very glad to get out of there. We intended to bring water bottles on board with us since we were not given enough to drink on the flight into Beijing but were told that it wasn't allowed. (FYI to future families, no one checked our backpacks for water). We all loaded (read were crammed into) a bus and crazily driven for what seemed an eternity to the airplane (also a common China airport experience). I was holding Emma who was holding two hand holds which were dangling from the ceiling. That did not work out so well in a crazily driven bus. I was falling all over the place and crashing into people. I love roller coasters, but I did not enjoy that ride. We finally made it to the plane where we then sat......for two hours! I kept thinking that there was no way Emma would do well on this flight when it just kept getting longer and longer. Thankfully, she did incredibly well. I had planned on giving her Benadryl, but I could not find where I put it. Once we were home, I found it in the backpack. She did great even without it.




Here is how she rocked her headphones. I am guessing they don't work as well when they are not actually on the ears ;-)




We arrived in Seattle and went through the booth and then went to the immigration area so that our newest little immigrant could be processed and could become a US citizen. We had to wait a bit before they got to her envelope. I didn't even care. I was so happy to be back in the United States and to be so close to having Emma become a citizen. I was tired, really needed to go to the bathroom (why don't they have a bathroom in this area), but mostly I was joyful. I was so proud of how my boys had handled this trip and their sister. I was feeling so blessed to have Mark as my husband and to have my precious children there. I was so excited to experience the moment when Emma Grace became a citizen. There was another family who were on the same flight but behind us in line. They complained and threw a bit of a fit and were processed much quicker than we were. I didn't even care. I have never before been so happy to wait on government officials. Once our file was up, it was a very quick process. Our flight got in about 2 pm, and Emma officially became Emma Grace and a US citizen at 3:22 pm PST.




What a beautiful, wonderful blessing she is. I am so incredibly blessed and am so thankful to God for taking us on this journey and gifting us with such a beautiful soul. We finally made it through immigration and customs and arrived at the gate for our next flight. That is when tragedy struck. Nate realized he left his iTouch (Christmas gift) on the airplane. Poor baby was so upset. He had been sleeping until we landed and in the craziness of getting of the plane, he forgot to make sure he had it. We tried calling, but the airline was less than helpful (Hainan Airlines). I sent a message to display if it connects to the Internet, but I am sure it is long gone. Poor Nate :-(. Since we have been home, he has asked me if we can start up allowances again since Emma is home now (we cut lots of things preparing for Emma and not a single boy complained). We then went from Seattle to DFW on an American Airlines flight. This flight was around 3 1/2 hours and was by far one of the best flights I have ever been on. The flight attendants were so very friendly and kind, and they celebrated Emma with us.




One of the flight attendants took this picture.

We finally arrived at DFW. So close to home! Our friends picked us up in the church van (because of all our luggage). We have some of the best friends in the world. They picked us up at midnight. Emma experienced her first carseat experience, and it went as well as we expected for a girl who hates being restrained. Food helped:-). We arrived home to a surprise. Our friends had decorated our door with a banner and with balloons (including cool glow-in-the dark balloons). There was a trail of single-serve Cheerios leading from the porch all the way upstairs to Emma's bedroom. On her bed was a plasma car! She got busy on that right away. There were also framed pictures of the picture we took on Shaiman Island. Another friend had left some groceries for us in a cooler on our porch, including some tofu and watermelon. That was so very appreciated.




























Again, we have amazing friends. We were all so happy to be home, but weren't tired. We all enjoyed a bowl of ice cream around 2 am before finally going to bed. So happy to be home as a family of seven.




- Jenna